


The Concert Kidnapping

by onlyliquidsunshine



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Achievement Hunter Heists, Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Fake AH Crew, Gen, Heist, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-09-28 13:38:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10106012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyliquidsunshine/pseuds/onlyliquidsunshine
Summary: It started, as all the greatest heists do, with a trip to the grocery store.Geoff proposes the idea of a heist where the crew kidnaps the main performer at a concert that is coming to Los Santos. But as always with the Fake AH Crew, things don't go according to plan.





	1. Frozen Waffles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andrea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrea/gifts).



It started, as all the greatest heists do, with a trip to the grocery store. 

Jack had been pestering Geoff for the entire day that he needed to get more food for the penthouse. He had even gone as far as to write a list of things they needed, making sure that everyone contributed to what kind of snacks they wanted. 

“This is dumb,” Geoff mumbled to himself as he pushed the cart through the frozen food aisles. He had gotten most of the stuff on the list, save for the popsicles that Michael had politely demanded. Knowing that Michael would appreciate the Avengers themed popsicles, Geoff made his way over to where they should’ve been, barely sparing a glance at anything else in the rows of freezers. 

Naturally, the freezer he wanted was at the very end of the aisles, and by the time that he had leisurely made his way over there, he was ready to drop the cart of groceries and rob the place single handedly. 

But the Fake AH Crew had some rules. One of them being that they don’t rob from the stores that they personally buy from. It was a stupid rule, but put in place none the less when Jack realized that the only grocery store in town would go out of business if they made a heist out of it. 

“Sure,” Geoff mumbled as he almost violently opened the freezer door. “Send the head crime lord of the city. One of the most feared men in the state, the one who is the leader of the most terrifying and dangerous gang in the country. Send  _ him  _ to pick up fucking milk and bread.” As he pulled out a box of popsicles, he thinks it was the hulk themed ones, he wasn’t sure, Geoff noticed a contest entry advertisment on one of the waffle boxes that was on the shelf below. 

Usually he would ignore these, but this specific one had the picture of a man looking no older than twenty on the front cover dramatically screaming into a microphone. Geoff cringed at the horribly taken picture of the guy. The pixels were not formatted properly, and even then the pose he was performing was rather unflattering. 

It was odd that they had what seemed to be a contest to win a free entry into a concert. Usually contests like that were local to the city, and Los Santos was never graced with the opportunity to hold such events. It was too dangerous of a city, riddled with crime and unappealing properties that popular artists never wanted to encounter. Geoff scoffed at the idiocy of this singer, coming to Los Santos and even going as far as to raffle off free tickets. 

He imagined what Michael’s face would be like to open the box of waffles, only to find the two free concert tickets embedded in the cardboard. With a small smile, Geoff envisioned Gavin chirping and asking- no.  _ Begging  _ Michael for him to use the spare ticket. Then Michael, being the little shit that he is, would deny Gavin, and then proceed to ask the rest of the crew. Geoff figured everyone else would say no to the proposition, except maybe Ray, depending on the mood that he was in. Once learning that his only option was Gavin, Michael would allow him to come, secretly pleased and claiming “you’re my boi, Gav. Course you can come.”  

The mini daydream wasn’t complete until Ryan jokingly suggests that they could all go, and sneak it, claiming it would be the ultimate stealth mission. Jack would then get a certain glint in his eye, and Geoff would stifle a giggle, already forming a plan in his head. 

Ray would then mention how, “well if we’re gonna sneak in, might as well just take the singer himself, you know. The whole fucking nine yards.” 

“The whole nine yards…” Geoff mumbled to himself, snapping out of his daydream.

It wouldn’t be  _ hard,  _ per say. To get everyone to sneak in and kidnap a man that hardly anyone knew. Someone would need to be in a getaway car, a few people undercover backstage, backup in the audience probably, and then of course, a person to grab the target himself. It was the perfect six man heist. 

And to make it even better, no one else had done it before. 

Geoff’s not sure when exactly he decided to ditch the cart of groceries and run out into the Los Santos heat, but next thing he knew he was back in his car driving to the penthouse. 

“Ryan will have to be in charge of the getaway car, he’s too recognizable to be part of the backstage crew. I’ll probably have to be in the crowd for the same reason.” Geoff mumbled to himself as he sped out of the parking lot. He made a harsh turn, ignoring the other cars in traffic that were undoubtedly screaming profanities at him. 

"Ray could handle backstage, and with Ryan in the car, it'll either have to be Michael or Jack to grab the singer." Geoff pulled into the parking garage, ripping the key out of the ignition and springing from the car. 

Geoff bounded up the stairs, ignoring the elevator for the sake of speed. He was practically shaking with excitement, already dreaming of the joy and amazement that the crew would express once the plan was explained. 

He was out of breath when he reached the correct floor, suddenly regretting not taking the elevator. Placing his hands on his knees, Geoff took a couple gulps of air before straightening up again and making his way towards the door like a professional.

That lasted all about five seconds. The moment that Geoff put his hand on the door handle, giddiness took over and he all but threw it open. 

"WHAT'S UP YOU FUCKS GUESS WHO JUST PLANNED A HEIST." He shouted once entering the living room, secretly impressed with how well the sentence flowed from his mouth. 

No one seemed phased, let alone impressed that Geoff came crashing through the door perfectly executing his exclamation. Ryan was ignoring him, sitting in his favorite armchair reading. The Lads were all seated on the couch, Ray and Michael playing a video game while Gavin watched. Jack was who knows where.

“Guys?” Geoff prompted after a few seconds of no response. 

“Hand over the popcorn I requested and I’m sure we will be enthralled to listen to whatever heist plan you have.” Ray stated, straight to the point of things. Geoff ignored him.

“Guys listen. There’s an artist, a singer to be specific, coming to Los Santos. I saw it on one of those waffle boxes from the store. This never happens guys, so we need to take this single opportunity to pull off a kidnapping and hold him for ransom. Who’s in?” 

Ryan turned a page in his book. 

Geoff took a step forward to walk in front of the TV and turn it off because  _ ‘this plan is brilliant guys why aren’t you listening’  _ but before he could do so, Jack walked in the room, beaming at Geoff. 

“Oh good you’re back!” 

“Jack!” Geoff ran towards him, grasping both of the other man's biceps in his hands. “Jack I just came up with our next best heist while at the store.” Jack had a moments spark of excitement in his features before he glanced behind Geoff, his smile faltering.

“Did you get the groceries?”

“Forget the groceries Jack! We’ve got a heist to plan!”

“So you  _ didn’t _ get the groceries?”

“No Jack, he’s got a heist to plan!” Michael mockingly chimed in.

“You do realize that means he doesn’t have your popsicles, right?” Jack pointed out. Michael’s smirk immediately left his face, quickly being replaced with a look of betrayal. 

“GEOFF WHAT THE FUCK.”

Ryan sighed, standing up and dramatically tossing his book down.

“I guess I’ll go back to the store to get the food Geoff left behind.”

“Oh shit Ryan, if you’re going out, can you also grab more of those peanut butter pretzel things?” Ray spared a glance at Geoff, who was positively fuming at this point. “After you left I called you to see if you could get some cause I originally forgot, but like an idiot, you left your phone here.” 

“You all suck!” Geoff shrieked, throwing his hands in the air. “This heist is brilliant! Ingenious! The best one I’ve come up with yet! And you’re all worried about snacks!” 

“You mean snacks aren’t the priority in this malnourished household?” Ray mumbled just loud enough for everyone to hear. Geoff sighed loudly, making a point to stomp his way out of the common space and into his room, slamming the door as he went. 

“And that's that!” Ryan concluded, clapping his hands together. “Now, who wants to go shopping with me?”

“Oh!” Gavin quickly stood up, almost tripping over his own feet in the process. “I’ll go!” Ryan nodded, heading towards the door and swinging the key ring on his finger. 

“We’ll be back soon. Hopefully we can find the cart that Geoff left behind and just take it from there.” Ryan opened the door, beckoning Gavin to walk through.

“Ry, while we’re out, can we get those iced syrup drink things?”

Ryan closed the door behind them, the rest of their conversation being unheard by the other members of the crew. Jack took the opportunity to sit down in the chair Ryan had previously been in, taking out his phone to give him something to do. 

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes. Ray and Michael quietly playing their video game, and Jack scrolling through his phone, occasionally typing something out. Eventually, Michael sighed, tossing his control onto the coffee table. 

“Hey Jack.”

“Yeah Michael?” Michael glanced at Jack out of the corner of his eyes, his lips slowly turning into a smirk.

“I think it’s time to plan a heist.”

Jack didn’t bother looking up from his phone, instead choosing to respond with a small smile. 

\-----------------

It took almost forty minutes for Ryan and Gavin to come back from the store. Gavin was the first to walk back in, holding a blue icee and happily slurping it down. Ryan followed him in, carrying in bags of groceries that almost reached up to his elbows.

“Jesus Gavin, did you not help Ryan at all?” Ray stood up from his corner of the couch, walking over to Ryan to relieve him of some of the bags. 

“He said he didn’t need any help, and that he had it covered!” Gavin protested, barely noticing how Ryan visibly slumped and relaxed when Ray took half of the bags. 

“Oh good, you guys are back.” Jack said, walking into the main room from the kitchen. “Place those on the table if you would, Michael and I are in the process of planning a heist.” 

“A heist?” Gavin asked, perking up. Ryan, on the other hand, pressed his lips into a thin line.

“This wouldn’t happen to be the heist that Geoff was planning, was it?”

“You bet your ass it is.” Michael shouted from the kitchen. A second later, he poked his head around the corner, smiling at everyone in the room. “We’re gonna mess with him as payback for leaving behind the food.”

“I’m game.” Ryan responded immediately, walking towards the kitchen to put the bags of groceries down. Ray followed him, explaining the premises of what they had so far to the two that hadn’t been there.

“Essentially we’re just gonna call Geoff out of his tantrum, telling him that we have something important that’s going on.” 

“We’re then gonna point to the map on the coffee table and tell him that we’ve got a big heist almost planned out, and that we just need his approval.” Michael cut in. Ray nodded before continuing.

“The key to the operation is not letting Geoff interrupt. We have to continue with explaining the plan while ignoring him. He’s gonna catch on pretty quickly to what we’re talking about.” 

“You’ve spent more time planning this petty revenge than actually coming up with a basic foundation for the heist, haven’t you?” Ryan asked, his question directed towards Michael.

“To be fair, Ryan,” Michael started, pointing his finger at him, “it was Jack who came up with most of the plan. I just simply suggested it.” 

“When are we doing it?” Gavin questioned, practically vibrating in excitement.

“Why not now?” Michael said, shrugging his shoulders. “He’s had about forty minutes to mope and get over it. I say now is as good of time as ever.” When the rest of the team agreed that yes, now was a good time to do it, Jack left the room to go get Geoff out of his miserable state. 

The other four took their respective places. Gavin flopped himself onto the couch, Ray elbowing him into a more professional position. Michael kneeled on the floor, uncapping a red sharpie, highlighting certain road and routes. It only took a second of watching him for Ryan to conclude that Michael was using the connecting roads to draw a dick. Ryan opened his mouth to comment on it, but quickly snapped his jaw shut when he saw Jack walk back into the room, Geoff trailing close behind him.

Saying Geoff looked grumpy was an understatement. He was squinting at all of them, his mouth set into a pout. His arms were also crossed, with his shoulders hunched over. Even his mustache looked droopier than usual. With the grace of a toddler, Ryan watched as Geoff dropped himself onto the couch across from Ray and Gavin, making a point to continue slouching. 

“What do you fuckers want?” He grumbled, looking at each person in the crew individually. Michael cleared his throat, gesturing to the map on the table.

“Geoff, we’ve got this idea that we think is worth discussing.” 

“Geoff it’s nothing like we’ve discussed before, you should really listen,” Gavin piped up once Geoff began to open his mouth and raise a single eyebrow. Geoff sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Alright-”

“It’s a six to seven man heist,” Ray strategically interrupted with. “And if we pull it off, it could be our best heist yet.”

“It starts here,” Jack continued, leaning forward to jab his finger on the map. “At the performance center, where the target is.” 

“But our target isn’t actually a money hit,” Michael intervened as Geoff slowly started pulling his hand away from his face. “It’s a kidnapping.” 

“I know we aren’t big on kidnappings, but Ray told me the basic plan, and I think it’s bloody brilliant.” Gavin smiled, practically squirming in his seat. Geoff inhaled sharply, beginning to sit up. 

“Hold up-”

“Since a lot of musical artists don’t visit our lovely city often,” Ryan contributed, taking a step forward. “We figured this would be the prime opportunity. We are planning on kidnapping the main artist, and holding him for ransom.” 

“We got the idea from a contest sticker on a box that Ryan brought back from the store,” Michael bit on his lip, trying his best to suppress a grin. Geoff’s mouth was hanging open at this point, his face slowly turning a shade of red from the anger and disbelief. 

“What do you think, Geoff?” Jack asked, turning towards him. Geoff puffed up his chest, ready to go into full rant mode.

“Well I think-”

“Yeah, we were worried about that too.” Ray agreed, nodding his head. Gavin let out a squeal there, quickly slamming his hand over his mouth to try and disguise his laughter as a cough. 

“Ray, shut the-”

“Geoff listen. If you don’t think it’s doable, just say so.” Ryan threw his hands up in surrender, playing the victim. 

“YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK-”

“Geoff, please. There’s no reason to shout.” Michael had stopped trying to hid his smile, his voice breathy from holding in the laughter. 

“YOU’RE ALL FIRED.” Geoff finally managed to screech out. "GET IN THE FUCKING EMPLOYMENT LINE YOU BITCHES, CAUSE YOU'RE ALL FIRED."

"Geoff," Ray breathed out, worry lacing his voice. "If the plan won't work, or if it not our style, just say so. There's no reason to fire is."

Geoff's rage only escalated with Ray continuing to feign innocence. His moustache even seemed to be bristling.

"Ray," Geoff whispered, his anger turning cold and calculated. "When I fire you, don't expect a good recommendation from me. In fact! Expect an awful one! One that says, ‘oh yeah. Ray Narvaez Jr.? Worst sniper ever. Always missed the target.’ And that goes for all of you!"

"Geoff," Michael clapped a hand over his heart, pretending to be hurt. "You would go as far to spread  _ lies  _ about us?" 

"It's okay Ray," Ryan walked directly behind the couch, placing a hand on Ray's shoulder. "When Geoff fires us, we can become our own crew.”

“R&R Connection till the end, baby.” Ray pretended to wipe away a non existent tear before fist bumping Ryan. 

“You all fucking suck!” Geoff yells again, his voice cracking. “Taking the most brilliant plan I have come up with and making the ultimate mockery of it!”

“We only did it because you left the food behind!” Ryan shouts back, pointing a finger at Geoff. 

“This idea was more important than food! I had to convey it to you guys immediately!”

“Geoff,” Jack calmly states, leaning forward. “You should’ve gotten the groceries, and then made your way back.”

“Really Geoffers we think it’s an interesting idea,” Gavin pipes up, getting the hint that they need to calm him down. 

“Just don’t forget the food next time,” Ray grumbles, crossing his arms.

“Now that Gav and Ryan brought back the food, I’m sure we’re all more than willing to listen to whatever plan you’ve got for us.” Michael encourages, the rest of the crew nodding their heads. 

“Really?” Geoff questions, sitting up taller when everyone nods. “Alright. Gavin, how long do you think it’ll take you to gather as much information as you can on the guy?”

“Uh, ten minutes? Fifteen at the most.” 

“Good.” Geoff states, the atmosphere in the room switching from childish to serious almost instantly. “Everyone be in the meeting room in twenty minutes.” With that he stood up and left the room, presumably preparing himself for the meeting. 

Gavin whipped out his laptop from under the couch, beginning frantically typing away. Jack followed Geoff out of the room, probably going to go talk to their leader as their non official second in command. Michael stayed on the floor, observing the map a little more closely and even going as far as to turn it different angles.

This left Ryan to make his way towards the meeting room as he had nothing better to do. He was about three steps out of the room before Ray called out to him.

“Hey, wait up!” Ryan half turns around to watch Ray make his way towards him, waiting until he has fully caught up before walking again. 

“Thanks for going back to the store, man.” Ray tells him, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Ryan waves it off. 

“No problem. I know how grumpy everyone gets when they’re hungry.” 

“Don’t act all innocent,” Ray chastises, “you get just as, if not more, cranky than the rest of us.”

“Now we both know that’s not true,” Ryan argues as they turn the corner. 

“Dude.” Ray says, slipping into the conference room when Ryan opens the door for him. “You once threatened to kill Michael in cold blood if he didn’t release your sandwich as a hostage.”

“Okay that was one time, and Michael was going to drop it in the sink to see if Gavin would faint.” Ray laughs in response, shaking his head as he pulls out a chair, collapsing easily into it. 

“Okay, I guess that’s fair.”

Gavin sauntered in a few minutes later with his phone in hand and Michael following close behind, staring intently at Gavins phone. 

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Ryan asked, intrigued as he straightens up a bit to see over Michael’s shoulder.

“Gavin is trying to find any of this guys music videos.” Michael explains, pulling out the chair in front of where Ryan is leaning against the wall. “Try to get an idea of what this guy is like and all that.”

“So far I haven’t found anything.” Gavin mumbles, practically tripping into his chair as he is too busy typing away on his phone. 

“Have you tried Spotify?” Ray suggests. 

“Or Deezer? Pandora?” Ryan tries as Gavin nods. 

“I’ve tried everything. He only has stuff up on Itunes. Anything that got put up on youtube was taken down due to copyright.” 

“So we’ve got a Taylor Swift on our hands.” Ray sighs, clicking his tongue. “That’s a damn shame. Fuckin’ bitch is corrupting other artists to her way.”

“You’re just upset that you can’t listen to her music while we’re out doing work.” Michael points out with a grin. 

“Listen man. Have you ever listened to her hit, ‘Bad Blood’ while breaking and entering a building? It’s inspiring. It’s empowering. It’s-”

“It’s time to get to work.” Jack intervenes from the doorway, dropping a tiny stack of papers on the table as he makes his way to his chair.  Everyone makes a grab for a paper, looking over whatever they managed to grab. 

“We only had time to print off pictures of our target along with some general information about him.” Geoff announces, striding into the room. “Gavin, I like your style. Already researching about the dudes interests and music videos.”   
“Thanks!” Gavin chirps, perking up a bit. 

“He’s not very attractive, is he?” Ryan muses outloud, studying the photo he’s holding. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say he’s  _ bad _ looking-” Michael starts and Ray snorts in response. 

“He looks like that guy who thinks marijuana is a hard drug, and he plays his acoustic guitar every wednesday on the cheap grass lawn of his community college.” Ray comments and Jack howls in laughter. 

Ray is not entirely wrong. The guy has a mop of messy dark brown hair that looks like the black hair dye he probably used had just washed out. His eyes are a tired, boring hazel, and his skin his an unhealthy grey that makes it look like this guy is naturally tan, but hasn’t seen the sun in quite some time.    
“Yes well we’re not kidnapping him cause he’s pretty, but because he has big money to his name.” Geoff says with a roll of his eyes.

“Geoff, I don’t think he has ‘big money to his name’.” Gavin mumbles quietly. 

“What do you mean? He’s going on a music tour, isn’t he? That’s gotta be something.”

“Or it could mean he just got a lucky deal.” Ryan shrugs, tossing the photo back on the table. 

“Eh, Geoff might have a point.” Michael's voice goes up a bit in pitch, contemplating out loud. “I mean, how often do you get lucky deals to tour with your music?”

“Especially if you haven’t come out with a new song in about two years.” Gavin waves his phone around, the wikipedia logo flashing a bit. “Which means that they probably paid a lot of money to make this tour happen. I take what I said back Geoff, he’s got money.” 

“Just because he’s got money doesn’t mean  _ we’ll _ get money.” Ray points out. 

“That’s true.” Jack begins to tap his fingers on the table. “He can’t pay his own ransom. That never goes smoothly.”

“It’s not so much about the money but for the publicity.” Geoff tell them.

“Geoff, literally no one knows who this artist is,” Ray argued.

“Yeah, that’s why they’re coming to Los Santos. They are desperate.” Ryan agreed, crossing his arms.

“But!” Geoff counteracted, pointing his finger at the duo. “That’s exactly what we need. Think about it. The person isn’t popular, so they aren’t going to have a fuck ton of security. It’ll also be a win-win situation if we pull this off. Kidnapping them during their own concert is going to bring a lot of media coverage, so not only will it make him famous, but that’ll mean that everyone will want to know what happened when he was with us. We, the Fake AH Crew, are going to be their origin story. In reality, we’ll probably get more out of this than he will.”

“I like it,” Gavin piped up.

“Me too,” Michael said, nodding. There was a hum of agreement from Ryan, and a split second of silence as they all looked over the pictures of the target.

“How much will we be getting out of this then?” Jack asked, glancing up at Geoff.

“Money wise?” Jack nodded, and Geoff shrugged. “Not sure. Probably not a lot to be honest. This guy isn’t well known, and I don’t know how desperately his manager will want him out of our hands.”

“How old is he?” Michael asked, turning to face Jack.

“Twenty-five.” Ray responded, pulling the information sheet closer to him. “Twenty-five, not married, no kids, not even dating someone.” Ray raised a single eyebrow, sucking in a deep breath. “He doesn’t seem worth it, Geoff. He has no ties that’ll cause a high demand of his safe return.” 

“He has his manager.” Ryan spoke up.

“His manager.” Ray deadpanned. Ryan nodded, leaning against the wall behind him.

“If there is one thing managers are interested in, it’s money. Clearly his manager isn’t all too bright, he’s sending this guy into Los Santos for christ’s sake. But hopefully he’s smart enough to figure out that a huge kidnapping incident will pull in a lot of cash from media coverage and news casts wanting to interview him.” Ryan moved his gaze over to Geoff, speaking directly at him. “The more extravagant and and overly excessive this heist is, the better.”

“Ryan would know all about how managers work,” Gavin grinned, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet up on the table. “Saying he had one when he was a teen heart throb model.”

Nobody bothered to comfort Gavin when Ryan’s knife flew by his head and almost nicked his ear.

“So we’re all in agreement then,” Geoff concluded, ignoring Gavin’s squealing. “We make the plans to pull off this heist?” Everyone nodded, and Geoff’s face split into a grin.

“Let’s heist, then.”


	2. Chapter 2

As far as Michael was concerned, this sounded like a pretty good heist idea. 

The crew immediately began taking their separate ways once it was established that they would go through with the plan. Geoff started calling in people and contacts, walking back into his room and closing the door behind him. Gavin went in search of his laptop and some form of caffeine, ready to learn everything about the target and the building they would be infiltrating. With the heist being only two weeks away, Jack and Ryan decided to go stock up on ammo and other supplies they would need for the heist. He wasn’t sure where Ray went after leaving the break room, but he was nowhere in sight either. 

Which left Michael to put away the groceries.

He sighed, walking into the kitchen and began placing all of the plastic bags on the table. He dug through the plastics bags, trying to find all the food that would melt soon if left out too long. Of course, karma made it so that they were all in the last bag on the table. Michael gave a shout of joy when he saw that Ryan and Gavin didn’t forget about his popsicle request, even getting the Iron Man colored themed ones that he always favored. He pulled the box out of the bag and viciously ripped it open, pulling out the plastic wrapped iced goodness, and setting it aside on the table to have in a minute. After tossing the box in the freezer to preserve the other iced treats, Michael tore the plastic wrapping off the popsicle, and popped it into his mouth, sighing in content. 

The rest of the groceries were unloaded as he sucked on his popsicle. It was all the basic needs, with the addition of everyone's requests, so the task didn’t take too long. He was in the process of putting away the last of Ryan’s gross wheat bread when Ray walked into the kitchen.

“Yo.”

Michael jumped in surprise. He had gotten used to the quiet that came with being in the kitchen alone, and that allowed Ray to startle him. 

“Jesus Ray, warn a guy next time.” Michael scolded, slamming the bread box shut a little too forcefully. Ray just laughed, pulling out a chair and sitting at the table.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” Michael hummed in response, pulling the popsicle free stick out of his mouth. 

“Hey Ray, how does a computer catch a fish?”   
“Oh man, don’t even-”   
“With its internet!”

“I hate you.” 

Michael tossed out the stick, heading to the freezer to grab another one. Feeling extra generous today, he pulled out two of them, tossing one in Ray's direction. Ray barely caught the popsicle, almost knocking it to the ground in an attempt to catch it. Michael laughed, pulling out a chair next to his friend, resting his feet on the table. 

“So everyone is doing things productive to the heist-”

“Unloading groceries is productive to the heist?”

“Shut up.” Michael smiled, taking the wrapper off his second popsicle, “it’s productive to this household. If I didn’t do it, no one would, and you know that.” Ray shrugged, not arguing with his point. 

“So,” Michael continued, “what were you doing after the meeting?”

“Eavesdropping on Geoff,” Ray responding, also putting his feet on the table. “Wanted to see what he really has in mind for the heist.”   
“Huh, anything interesting?”

“Nah, not yet. All I got was something along the lines of needing bungee cords and climbing gear.” Michael nodded, trusting Geoff enough that he knew what he was doing for the preparations. 

They sat in silence for a bit, staring out through the glass doors that lead to the balcony. Ray finished his popsicle before Michael did, throwing the stick onto the table and pulling out his DS from his jacket pocket. Michael had just finished his popsicle, opening his mouth to read out the joke when Gavin decided to barge himself into the kitchen, announcing his presence. 

“WHAT’S UP TEAM LADS.”

“Hey Vav,” Ray mumbled, not looking up from his game. 

“Aw, X-Ray, sound a bit more excited. We’re planning a heist!” 

“No, we are sitting around waiting for the plan to be officially announced,” Michael grumbled, a little irritated that Gavin had interrupted their peaceful moment. 

“Humpf. Well, I managed to get the blueprints and floor plan out of the place that we are infiltrating.” Gavin flipped his laptop around, showing his fellow lads the pictures that he had pulled up. Michael whipped his legs off the table, leaning in to get a better look. 

“It’s not too difficult, the only problem is going to be getting in and actually  _ grabbing  _ a hold of the target. He won't have too much security, since he’s not that big, but he’ll have enough. Probably a bit more than normal too, saying it’s Los Santos.” 

“But it’s doable.” Ray asked, finally looking up from whatever he was playing. 

“Totally,” Gavin nodded, turning the laptop back to facing him. “It won't be easy, but it’ll be fun.” 

“Cool,” Michael leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “So whatcha thinking for a basic plan?”

“I’m thinking that it’s gonna have to be more of an undercover mission rather than storming in guns blazing. The stage is set up so that there can be a guard of sort surrounding it, but there will also be fans that can stand about twenty feet away from the stage.”

“Our best bet will probably be to get someone to stand in as a guard there.” Ray commented, Gavin nodding in agreement. 

“I’ll run these pictures and blueprints by Geoff once he’s off the phone.” Gavin closed his laptop, stretching his arms up above his head. “Until then, and until we get more of a solid plan, there’s not much to do, is there?” 

“Nope. Ryan and Jack went out to get everyone more ammo, and Geoff is on the phone with who knows who, so that’s about it right now.”

Gavin exhaled slowly, puffing up his cheeks for a more dramatic effect. 

“How much longer do you reckon he’s going to be?”

“Why don’t you go find out?” Michael asked, starting to grin. “Go interrupt his phone call, right now, I dare you.” 

“Aw, Michael. So full of the vinegar today.”

“I’m not full of the  _ vinegar,  _ Gavin.” Michael sneered, crossing his arms.

“Settle down you two,” Ray mumbled from his spot at the table, his position not changing one bit. Miraculously, that seemed to work, as the two of them stopped fighting, and instead chose to look in opposite directions of each other.  

“Micoo,” Gavin started after a few minutes, giving Michael big pleading eyes. “Can I have a popsicle?” 

“Didn’t you just have a slushie or whatever?”

“Yeah but I finished it already.”

Michael sighs loudly, throwing his head back. “ _ Fine. _ ” Gavin claps excitedly, miraculously not tripping on his way to the freezer to grab a red popsicle.

“Ray if you play a video game with me I’ll let you pick.” Michael offers, the original adrenaline winding down and boredom setting in.

“Call of Duty.”

“C’mon Ray.” Michael groans. “Pick something I have a chance at beating you with.”

“Tetris.” 

“Honestly that’s not much better.” Gavin points out.

“Yeah but I’ll take it.” Michael stands up and stretches. “Wanna play Gavin?” The man in question nods enthusiastically and stands up, holding his laptop to his chest.

Almost two hours later Ray has won two thirds of the rounds the three of them have played. Gavin opted to share a controller with Michael and take turns so that he can continue doing research and making rough drafts of plans.

“God dammit Ray.” Michael sighs with a laugh as Ray wins once again. “You play this game way too much.”

“It’s fun.” Ray shrugs. Ray’s eyes are heavy and sleepy, and Michael is hit with the realization that Ray could be asleep and would still beat him. 

“You know what else is fun?” Geoff says from behind them, each of the three lads jumping in surprise. “Repelling and rock climbing. Have you ever gone Michael?”

“Uh.” Michael scrunches his face up in thought. “I don't… Think so?”

“That’s fine.” Geoff waves off any concern. “You have a training session tomorrow outside of the city. You’ll go with Ryan and be there most of the day. And before you ask, yes this is crucial to the heist.”

“Oh uh, okay.” Michael looks surprised but willing all the same.

“Gavin you’ll be with Jack tomorrow. The music and light coordinator are already in town. I want a… tragic accident to happen to the light coordinator, something where he won’t be able to make it to the job and they have to find a replacement.”

Gavin salutes in understanding. “Your wish is my command Geoffrey.”   
“And Ray,” Geoff turns to him. “You and I will go buy tickets for the concert tomorrow. They’re not online, but we need to snatch you and Jack a guard uniform anyways.”

“Roger that.”

“When Ryan and Jack get back relay the plans for tomorrow to then send Jack to come talk to me.”

“You can tell them yourself.” Michael nods at the door, watching Ryan and Jack walk in with bags full of ammo. 

“Oh well speak of the devil.” Geoff grins. “I was just telling the lads here our jobs for tomorrow.”

“By all means, let us in on the fun.” Jack says, putting down the bags he was holding. Geoff repeats his plans for everyone for the next day, and as expected gets no outwardly complaints. 

“So what are we doing for the rest of the day?” Ryan asks, glancing at the score presented on the screen with wide eyes. “Losing to Ray in Tetris?”

“No.” Geoff rolls his eyes. “Jack and I are going to acquire a getaway car. Ryan I need you to go to safe house number four and make sure it’s ready for us.”   
“You mean safe house Big Dicks and Free Butts?” Gavin corrects, receiving a loud sigh from Geoff.

“Yes. That one.”

“On it.” Ryan gives Geoff a thumbs up and heads to grab his motorcycle helmet at keys.

“Nope!” Geoff says quickly, blocking Ryan. “No take the car. The Lads are going with you.” 

“What? Why?” Ray leans over the back of the couch.

“Because I can tell you three are bored and I don’t want to have to bail you out of jail two weeks before a heist. And Ryan is on a murder break so he’ll keep you all in line.”

“Well that’s no fun.” Michael grumbles, tossing his controller to the side and turning off the television.

“Jack and I are gonna take one of the more beaten down cars so that we can perform an exchange rather than pay.”

“Sounds good.” After some digging and shuffling around, Geoff and Jack are able to find the set of keys of the car they can spare, leaving the penthouse. Which left Ray, Gavin, Michael, and Ryan to silently stare at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move.

“We can take my car and I can drive.” Michael offers and Ryan nods in agreement.

“You can drive there and I can drive back. It’s about an hour and a half drive away.”

“Safe house Big Dicks and Free Butts is out south, right?”

“Yeah.” Ryan confirms. “The one out in the desert. Which fucking sucks cause it’s almost two hours away from the concert hall that our target will be at.”

“Why are we going to one so far away?” Ray stands up with a stretch. “Why not go west?”

“They’ll be looking for him in the suburbs.” Gavin assumes. “At first I imagine the police will think it’s a crazy idea from some of his fans. Going far south gives us a chance to recollect and start the hostage situation while the police are heading on a cold lead.”

“That’s right.” Ryan drops the keys to his motorcycle and tosses Michael his respective ones. “Go get ready. I leave in ten minutes.”

They leave in fourteen minutes, everyone packed with their phones, snacks, red bulls and a small pistol for each just in case.

“We could end that murder break right now,” Michael taunts to Ryan, sliding his gun in the passenger seat glove compartment. 

“No. I have a bet with Gavin that I can’t last three weeks. I’m on week two and get six hundred dollars every week I get past three.”

“He won’t make it.” Gavin scoffs, crawling in the back seat next to Ray. “There’s no way. You’re the Vagabond for Christs sake.”

“I put the mask in a box in the back of my closet. For now and the foreseeable future I’m just Ryan, and calm citizen who enjoys terrorizing the police force with non violent tactics and winning bets against stupid Brits.”

Michael’s laugh over powers Gavin's squawk as he pulls out of the penthouse garage. The obnoxious chrome on the car gleams brightly in the streets of Los Santos just as the sun threatens to drop past the horizon. 

**\----------------------------**

“You really want the classic creepy kidnapper van, huh?” Jack asks, staring at the black four door slide van that Geoff immediately pointed out. 

“I think Ryan would like the aesthetic.” Geoff admits. “That and it’ll drive news reports nuts. They love classic old-fashioned stereotyped crimes.”

“True.” Jack huffs. “But is this car practical? Will it get us away fast enough? Is it bullet proof? The stereotyping of it would make us fairly recognizable on the street once the word gets out.” 

“We can get bullet proof tires, I doubt they will shoot the actual van as we’ll have a hostage.”

“This is Los Santos, Geoff.” Jack responds dryly. “The cops will take any opportunity to shoot us, they won’t care that we have a hostage.”

“Then we’ll just have to drive fast.” Geoff stands on his toes, trying to find the car dealer. “Guy that owns this place owes me a favor, so we’re gonna swap cars.”

“So  _ that’s  _ why we brought the shitty car.”

“Boy do you catch on things fast.”

“Mr. Ramsey!” A slimey voice greets from across them. Jack looks up to see the owner of the car dealership, trying to keep his lip from curling up in disgust. The mans hair is slicked back with grease or gel, Jack can’t tell, and he looks like he’s spent the whole day swimming in sweat. “What do I owe this great pleasure?”

“We need a car.” Geoff says, straight to the point. “Specifically this one.” He hits the side with his palm.

“Ah.” The owner slinks around Geoff. “A good choice. She’s a big car, and quite popular with other gangs, I have some other people looking at her-”

“You owe me.” Geoff reminds darkly. “Or did you forget about that?”

“No, no! Haven’t forgotten. But, maybe you could pick a different car for your liking?”

“No, we want this one.” Geoff straightens up a bit. “I brought one of my own vehicles to complete an exchange. You keep mine for the next month, and I get this one. When I bring it back, we switch back as though nothing happened.”

“You mean ‘if’ you bring it back.”

“No, I mean when.” The owner sighs and nods, tossing over a pair of keys.    
“Here.” He gruffs out. “But my debt is paid now.”

“I’ll say it’s paid when I think it is.” Geoff tosses his pair of keys over, Jack catching the two flying to them. 

“So, never then.”

“That’s the general idea, yeah.” Geoff smiles and slides his sunglasses on his face. “We’ll be off then. Pleasure doing business with you as always.”

“Yeah yeah.” The owner waves Geoff off and walks away, mumbling to himself. 

“That went smoothly.” Jack comments a moment later. 

“Could’ve gone better.” Geoff admits, unlocking the door to the van. “I don’t like the idea that he can call his debt done whenever he likes.” 

“Well he did just give us a car-”

“Still had to do some form of payment, even if it wasn’t money.” Jack shrugs uncaringly, hopping in the driver’s seat. 

“Gimme the keys Geoff.”

“I was gonna drive!”

“Too bad, so sad, I got in first.” Geoff swears under his breath and hands the keys over, jumping in the passenger side. 

“Think the lads are alright?” Jack asks as they reach the halfway mark to home, disrupting the comfortable silence. 

“I’m sure they’re fine, it’s Ryan I’m worried about.”

“Why?”

“Gavin had a lot of sugar and caffeine today, and I don’t think Ray ate any real food today.”

“Why would you send them with Ryan then?” Jack nearly swerves the car. 

“Cause I thought it would be funny.” Geoff giggles and clicks through his phone. 

“You’re awful.”

“I know.”

\----------------------------

“Ryan are we almost done?” Ray sighs for the third time within ten minutes. 

“No. God you’re fussy when you’re tired.” Ryan has just finished checking all the locks and repairing the rusty ones. He sent Michael and Gavin out twenty minutes ago to get some non perishable foods for the safe house.

“‘M not tired.” Ray grumps. He’s lounging on the couch, two red bull cans littered empty around him as he taps lazily at his DS. “Just bored.”

“I told you you could clean the guns that are stored here. That would give you something to do and we would get outta here faster.” 

“No.”

“Then stop complaining.” Ryan says in what Michael would describe as his ‘dad voice’. Unsurprisingly Ray closed his mouth and was silent the rest of the afternoon.

“Ray, did you go to sleep?” Gavin asks as they load back in the car, Ryan in the driver's side this time.

“My eyes are open, asshole.”

“You know what I mean.” 

Ray hesitates, his eyes unfocused as he stares out the window and Ryan starts the car.

“He’s asleep.” Michael grumbles, fastening his seatbelt and tapping away on his phone. 

Ray had a nasty habit that Geoff dubbed as ‘falling asleep’. Essentially Ray would zone out, enter his own head where he said that it was blank, no noise or images. It wasn’t as dangerous as daydreaming, but it was a pain in the ass to get Ray out of this state. The only time the crew didn’t mind him falling asleep was when he was perched on a building, sniping. His aim tended to be more accurate and precise in this state, and he would tune out all the noise the others were making. 

But in the backseat, where they had to make an hour and half journey home where Gavin would undoubtedly get bored and want attention, that was an awful time for Ray to fall asleep. 

“Ray, buddy, wake up.” Ryan tried, pulling out of the driveway. 

“Rayyy,” Gavin sang, poking the mans cheek. “How should Jack and I make sure the light director has a terrible accident tomorrow?”

“Push him down the stairs.” Ray mumbles. Gavin clicks his tongue thoughtfully. 

“Could work. But what if he survives it?”

“Two flights of stairs then.” 

“Shoot him after that.” Michael offers.

“Or just throw him off the roof.” Ryan pipes up. 

“Roof could work.” Ray shuffles and stretches his legs and spine out. “Gust of wind came up, he was out for a smoke, fell.” 

“Does he smoke?”

“Does it matter?” Ray pushes his arm to Gavin, allowing him to pull it to help stretch the shoulder socket out. “Leave a cigarette bud out with his DNA and you’ll be golden. Suicides and accidents happen all the time in Los Santos, the police won’t look much into it.”

“I’ll run the idea across Jack, thanks Ray!” Gavin chirps, ruffling the younger mans hair. 

“No problem.” Ray blinks and pops the vertebrae in his neck. 

“You finally awake?” Michael turns in his seat to look at him. 

“Yeah yeah I’m here.” Ray takes off his glasses to clean the lenses with his sleeve. “How long was I out?”

“A little over an hour.” Ryan supplies. “We put away groceries, cleaned the safe house, and loaded the car.”

“Don’t remember much.” Ray shrugs, sliding his glasses back on.

“That’s fine mate, you didn’t miss a lot.” Gavin smacks Ray on the back. “But now it’s all dark out so we can’t play I Spy on the way back.”

“I Spy with my weak broken eyes something large.” Michael starts, ignoring Gavin. 

“It’s Gavin’s nose.” Ray answers instantly, pulling a laugh out of Michael. 

“You would be correct Ray!” Ray gives a quiet cheer and Gavin swears quietly. 

“I spy with my handsome eyes something that is obnoxious.” Ryan continues, smiling a bit.

“It’s Gavin.” Ray and Michael say at the same time to Gavin’s dismay. 

“Dammit! You’re all a bunch of tossers.”

“I spy with my sniper eyes a sore loser.” Ray teases. 

“Gavin!” Ryan and Michael harmonize. Gavin whines, slumping in his seat. 

“This game isn’t fun anymore we should play something else.”

“Nah.” Michael scoffs, the mocking game continuing to play out for the rest of the ride home.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by the Imagine Dragons concert I went to back in what... 2015?
> 
> This got posted all because Andrea convinced me to. Thank her here: http://the-art-student-in-221c.tumblr.com/
> 
> Find me here: http://dean-can-dig-elvis.tumblr.com/
> 
> Comments are appreciated, thank you for reading!!!


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